Almost everything has been put away that was meant for Xavier. The clothes, car seat, stroller baby washes and baby balms.
When we rearranged everything to make room for Xavier, Max agreed to share his room with the change table and crib.
The crib never made it to the room because Xavier would have been sleeping with me in our room in the basinette that I had bought second hand from a very lovely woman nearby. He was thrilled to be able to say he was sharing his room with the baby!
It is the last thing that remains. You wouldn’t know that 4 months ago were were preparing for a baby. You wouldn’t know 4 months ago he died.
Today, Max got a new dresser. The change table had to go. I could see his immediate panic. I could see he was still not ready.
Neither am I.
So now the change table is in my room. Tonight while he is sleeping I’ll disassemble it, and pack it away…and cry as I do it.