He said no…

My beloved has told me repeatedly that he is not ready to try again.  I on the other hand have tried to change his mind, and round and round we go.  It is actually the only thing we fight about.  I say please, he says no.  I cry,  he consoles me.  I beg, he says he can’t.  This happens about once a week.  One day I’d like to really delve into this here, but for today, this is the basic argument.

Last night as I was about to disassemble the change table, he asked me why.  I said because it was finally time to put it away, and that it would be better this way. It would also take up less space in the basement if it was apart.

He said NO!!!!!! I stared at him. He said it wasn’t necessary. I raised my eyebrow. My heart began to pound. Could it be? Was this his signal? Nope…not yet…but it’s progress!!!!!! (I hope)

Daddy and Xavier


4 thoughts on “He said no…

  1. Here from the Stirrup Queen’s Lost & Found. I am so sorry for your loss. 😦 And I’m even more sorry, reading through your back posts, to hear of the circumstances.

    The hospital may have already given you some literature on this, but I’d like to point you to Perinatal Bereavement Services Ontario (www.pbso.ca). They run several pregnancy & infant loss support groups (as well as special events several times during the year) for bereaved parents in the GTA, including one in Ajax. My husband & I were facilitators for many years, & the current facilitator is a dear friend — if you do go, please don’t mention me or my blog, as not many of my “real life” friends know about it. ; ) Not everyone is comfortable in a group setting, but it really helped me, as did the online support. (((hugs)))

    • We actually don’t live in Ajax, that is just where I had Xavier because of the emergency situation.

      The closest PBSO is not convenient for us but you are right, I have heard nothing but wonderful things about this organization.

      We ended up at the Bereaved Families of Ontario. They have sub groups at their meetings so it was a group of about eight moms and dads who had had losses, either stillbirth, or neonatal death. My husband wasn’t into it, and strangely, I got what I needed from the one meeting. I wasn’t alone.

      I really want to thank you for your thoughts and comment. I truly appreciate it 🙂

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