How I love him

I talk a lot about how traumatic Xavier’s birth and death was. I some times don’t write about how D has held me up through it all, and continues to be my rock even though I am sure he is grieving as well.

In 1994 I met him. I was 17. Shortly after my 18th birthday that same year, I found out I was pregnant. To be completely honest, I wasn’t scared, I was thrilled. My greatest ambition in life was to become a mother. I was going to be a Mommy, and I was going to do it with the nicest guy I had ever known. Looking back, I can see that I barely knew him, and he hardly knew me, but whatever, I trusted my instincts and I KNEW he was the one! I was so excited.

At approximately 12 weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. I had to have an emergency D&C and D was awesome. He held me up then too.

I know he wasn’t interested in becoming a Dad at 20, but he cried right along with me. He won my undying love and loyalty that very moment. Ironically, it was this and many other moments like this, that makes me want to have 20 of his kids.

Over the years (17 now), we have seen our ups and downs like all couples, but I remain so deeply in love with him sometimes it feels like it might explode right out of my body! Does that sound to needy? Ah well it hasn’t chased him off yet!


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