Depressing rain

It’s been raining now for three days straight.

I am tired of it and would really like to see the sun.

Tomorrow marks 5 months since he died. I never know what to call that. Deathaversary? Anninversary of the day he died?

D hates the 12th of every month. I wonder if one day in the future the 10th or the 12th will come and no one will notice what day it is. At this point I highly doubt it.

No one should have to feel pain like this. I wish I could siphon it out of our family.


2 thoughts on “Depressing rain

  1. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Xavier. Xavier is one of my favorite names, it was at the top of my list for my sweet baby boy, who we named Otis, and who was born on September 12 and died on September 13 under very similar circumstances. While I didn’t have Pre-E, my baby did suffer catastrophic brain damage during my labor and we faced the same decisions you did with Xavier. It’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

  2. Hello! My name is Valerie, and I’m a volunteer with We are currently building our contact list and would like to add you to it (NOT for solicitation purposes). If we can add you, would you please send me a quick email at Also, for more information about us, please visit

    Also, I’d like to thank you for sharing your story here on your blog. I also had preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome. Your blog has made me smile and made me cry. I’m so terribly sorry about the loss of your sweet Xavier. You and your family are in my thoughts!

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