I have asked him to stop reading here, because he thinks I speak to him through the blog (which is untrue), so if you are still reading my beloved, you can stop now.
I read blogs a lot. I mostly read blogs from BLM’s who lost their babies either full term or shortly thereafter.
Their stories make me cry because I know their pain. I live and breath what it is they are feeling.
Lately I have been reading BLM blogs and they all seem to be getting pregnant. I am so emotionally spent reading about others pain, but feel like I can’t read about pregnancies just yet either.
Where does that leave me? Limbo?
D has agreed to try again “in time”. Believe when I say I am more than excited to begin that journey with him again. It was more than he even expected of himself to be able to tell me “in time”. But there is a but…I have so many questions that I want to attack him with, the biggest question is when? Now? Please? I know… too much too soon. While I wait to TTC, I want to talk about it. I want to plan. I want to think about a new baby and think about a positive out come. Joke about diapers, and night feedings. I want to talk about high risk OB’s and how to plan for a more closely monitored pregnancy, and how this time nothing to little will stop me from going to the hospital or the doctor.
I want to talk about happy things, sad things and scary things. With him. I would like to read about others going through a similar wait and if any one has any suggestions, it would be well appreciated.
I will always miss Xavier and wish he was here, but I am ready for some happiness from our future. I am ready for some baby lovin’, and I don’t think Xavier would mind at all. I love him, and I am sure he sits in Heaven on his cloud (or whatever they sit on up there) loving me back. He doesn’t want us to suffer, as we didn’t want him to suffer…am I delusional? Maybe…but we all have to get through the day some how.