After an amazingly painful emotional breakdown at midnight about a week and a half ago, my beloved was able to tell me that he was willing to try again-in time.
I sort of wrote about it here.
This actually left me more confused than his out right NO.
I imagined him taking me into his arms and telling me he loved me so much, and that he understood my need etc. etc…and saying let’s make a baby…baby! I tend to romanticize things (or dramatize, if that’s how you want to look at it).
I let a full week go by before
attacking approaching him with a time line. It doesn’t sound like much, but believe me I had to restrain myself. I gave the odd hint of “ahem, just in case you were wondering, I will be ovulating today or tomorrow”. He nodded and said thanks for the update.
I find I don’t have the courage to ask D face to face questions about trying again, I think it’s because I fear his answer. So I did the only thing I could think of and BBM’d him, and held my breath waiting for him to answer.
Blessedly he told me August/ September. My heart sank at first, it felt so far away. At the same time, I am so excited that he is on board and that I will once again feel life in me. My dreams of holding our baby will come true. Later rather than sooner, but something to look forward to!
Doctors appointment tomorrow to go over my ultrasound (fibroids) and 24 hour blood pressure monitor (pre-e) and some blood work. I am hopeful for some good news, but I am concerned about the fibroids being a problem.
I have so many questions I am hoping my G.P. will forward me to a high risk O.B. before we get pregnant for a couple of reasons. I want to feel comfortable with our choice and I want D to be able to meet with more than one O.B. if he needs to. He never liked Dr. P, and in the end we should of listened to his inner voice about her.
So here we go again. I will be Gravida 5 (oh my lord) Para 2 (sadly).
Temping and charting, and excited and scared…oh my!