Waiting

Not much happening around these parts. D just got back from a business trip to Orlando. He left on the 12th, a bad omen I was sure. It turned out fine.

I have been scouring the interwebs for a good mahi mahi recipe. It’s the only fish M will eat since trying it in Cuba and absolutely loving it. I was thinking about emailing the hotel to see if I could get their recipe, but I don’t even know where to start. Maybe my travel agent??? We’ll see.

I have been cooking a lot lately. I find it very therapeutic. It gives me both time to reflect and a distraction. Tomorrow I am making bread. I haven’t made bread since I was a teenager, and I wasn’t very good at it then, so hopefully 15 years exeperience will prove to be helpful!!

I feel like I am waiting all the time now. Waiting for my first OB appointment, and waiting for D, but mostly waiting to try again. All this waiting, and that is NOT my strong suit. This lesson in patience seems very long and painful.

I told D’s mom about our plans and my appointment in July with Dr. K. I didn’t tell him I told her. I want to talk to someone about my excitement, and D just isn’t that person, so I’ll take who I can get at this point. I am curious how he will react if and when she tells him I told her. I can’t see him being mad, more surprised that I discussed it with her.

Last night D jr. was at a birthday party so we took M to see Hop. It wasn’t as funny as I was hoping for. I think the evil chickadee could have been played up way better than it was…I LOVE an animated movie animal with a Spanish accent!! Hits my funny bone just right!

I feel like this blog has become a broken record for me…I miss Xavier, I still want a baby. I miss Xavier and I still want a baby…and on and on…and on.

I want to go forward, and am being kept stationary in the land of grief and pain. While I am doing my best to not so much understand D, but accept his timeline, it is having such a depressing effect on me.

My impatience is my biggest hurddle right now.

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