02.05.11

Last week D got what I would assume is an unusual phone call from the chief coroners office.  D is the main contact for this, and he was taken off guard when they called and he didn’t ask any questions. They told him they wanted an OK to look at other records pertaining to the case.

Xavier’s case will be looked at by a committee.  I assume his autopsy and the pathology from my placenta will be looked at? I am curious to see these results. I don’t believe that a different outcome or diagnosis will be given by the committee, but I am hoping to see that they will have “recommendations”  and that they will be sent directly to my OB. She mishandled my pregnancy and in my opinion is responsible for Xavier’s  death. One simple blood test to check my liver enzymes 4 days before he was born would have saved his life.

I was recently reading Xavier’s birth story, and I am tempted to change it. I wrote it a month after he died, and I was so full of anger.  You can feel it while you read. I don’t know that my anger has subsided towards my OB any, and I think this month that is something I will work on. I might even write her a letter expressing how I feel, and what I think she is responsible for. I don’t want to feel it any more, and if I tell her how I feel, it’s like I have released it, and it is no longer mine.

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