Lucky number 7

Today marks seven months since Xavier was born.

It’s sad and depressing to have such empty arms. No cankles, no zerberts, no drooling, no diapers, no walks with the stroller. Seven months I have been deprived of my son. Each day forward a reminder that we are one day further away from him.

We are getting on with life, laughing, playing, healing. Yet their remains a pall on every situation. It was not lost on me this weekend. Both the boys were at the same soccer tournament this weekend, first of the outdoor season. There was a baby about the same age Xavier would have been, in the same stroller I have covered up in my basement. He even had on the same pair of shoes I now have in storage.

My sweet Xavier,
I haven’t forgotten about you, or stopped loving you even for a second. We are sad here without you, but we have to go forward, I know you understand. All of us are missing you, and loving you more than ever.
Sometimes I get so mad that you aren’t with us, and so jealous of the babies that I see every day.
Seven months is a long time to be without you and I wanted you to know I love you more everyday.

Mommy

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