Absenteeisim

I have been hiding out. Not interested in posting. I feel like I am going around and around in my head on when I type the words out.

I miss him. How could this happen to us. I miss him. It’s not fair. I miss him.

How can I miss him? I barely new him. I mourn all the things we were supposed to be with him in our lives.

This past weekend we were at my cousins First Communion. We should have been playing pass the baby at dinner, instead I would stare off into space wondering what it would have been like to have him there.

I am angry at the world today…and I am waiting. The ticker says not to long…but what if he changes his mind. What if he doesn’t like the answers he gets from the new OB…what if? What if? What if????

I feel like screaming sometimes, and it feels like if I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

I don’t have the luxury of pulling the covers up over my head and staying in bed for a week. I couldn’t when he died, and I certainly can’t now. Fuck.

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