Following along in the Right Where I am Project:
I kind of wrote about this already the other day in a Past, Present Future scenario.
I’ll delve a bit more though. Right now I day dream. A lot. I day dream about Xavier, I day dream about another baby. I feel cheated out of his life, and I have no one to be angry about over that. No finger pointing will bring him back.
I cry when I read everyones poignant words to their babies through their blogs…tears stream down my face when I read about Jacob, Charlotte, Cullen, Aidan and Sofia. The impact such a short life held on these families, and the trauma their death created.
I am jealous. I am jealous of babies that didn’t die. For the mom’s who get to smile real smiles. Even when I smile or laugh, it is tainted with the fact that he is dead. In an urn.
So I am still marching, putting one foot in front of the other. I am hoping to one day want to walk forward…maybe even run a little, but for today, it’s still pretty raw.