Thanks for the chance

Yesterday M’s little friend came over to watch the Champions League final (Barcelona 3 -1 Manchester United, if you follow soccer at all)

Other than family, it has been some time since we’ve had any one over. Before P came, M asked if he could show him Xavier…what does one say to that?  I ended up advising that perhaps for P’s first visit (he is 9) should not include an introduction to Xavier’s urn…it may put him off to further visits.

When his parents came to get him they came in for awhile and we had a really nice visit. The men left to go watch all the kids in the park (they have 3…so should we), and when S and I got up to go out and see what they were up to, she looked over at the large framed pictures of Xavier on the desk in our living room. I noticed her looking and said yup that’s him! She told me how truly beautiful he was, and OH MY GOD there was nothing wrong with him?

I quickly took the opportunity to grab my brag book of him and even though I look horrendous in EVERY picture I showed her anyways.  I wasn’t sure how she would react. We are sad, we are crying and the pictures have brought men to tears, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was like a damn train wreck, but I showed her Xavier, and it felt SOOOO good. So good, that I was smiling while I talked about him! SMILING!!!!! She was fabulous about it. She let me go on and on and listened like a champ. I will forever be thankful for that.

She sent me message on facebook later that night.

Thanks for having P over today, and then putting up with us. He had a really good time, just a shame he said that Man U lost. See you all during the week.


No problem S…we loved having you all over…next time we’ll have you over for a meal! Thanks for letting me brag about my beautiful baby today!! It’s not often I get the chance!

I wish it was socially acceptable to talk about your dead baby to everyone, at any given time. That would be nice. I am tired of people visibly gasping when I bring him up ie.

Soccer Dad- “I am bringing a keg of beer to the next tournament.”

Me- “Awesome! This year I can have some, I am not pregnant.”

Soccer Dad- *look of horror* audible gasp.


Soccer Mom- “Hey there’s L!”

Me- “Oh yeah! She called me just after Xavier died, she was devastated for us”

Soccer Mom- *look of horror* audible gasp.


I think I have a solution…because I do want to talk about and remember him.

I made that only half jokingly…the reality is, I would totally wear it.

I love you and miss you my little man.


One thought on “Thanks for the chance

  1. Alot of people go silent when I bring Jacob up too. Last October, we were visiting my husband’s friend and his wife, who had a (living) baby girl last May. They started talking about the labour and one or twice, I threw in some little detail about my labour and the room went silent. I didn’t even mention my dead baby, just how many nurses I had and how long it was and…..silence. It sucks.

    I’m so glad you could talk about Xavier with S. I love that M wanted to show P Xavier, although I can understand why you suggested another time.

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