My sad place

So it occurred to me today that this blog, this space on the interwebs is my sad place. I’m not sure exactly how that came to be but there you have it.

I don’t have time to be sad in my day to day, and I think if you asked any one who knew me, they wouldn’t have anything remarkable to say about me. I smile, laugh make jokes, socialize and behave like a “normal” person. I feel sometimes I don’t have license in my everyday to be grieving and I have noticed that these post are how I get to be sad.

This little space, my corner of dead baby land, I can moan and bitch about what I’ve lost. I can be scared about the future, I can cry while I type out a post or a comment and it’s OK.  Sometimes when I post happy thoughts and ideas here it feels wrong, and now I know why.

I am hoping to be able to turn this into more than just my sad place, because I don’t think it’s healthy to just dwell, but I guess that’s what I need(ed). So I am going to try to post my happy thoughts too (when I have them)… because I’d love a happy ending to this story.

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3 thoughts on “My sad place

  1. This blog being your sad place makes total sense. I felt/feel the same way about my blog. I also felt/feel like I’m somehow spending time with Jacob when I’m writing on his blog. We have to take it how we can get it.

    It’s funny to be acting normal, but to know that it is just that. You are acting. Sometimes it is easier than others, but it is still acting. And then gradually, it isn’t acting anymore and you realize it after the fact.

    I guess it isn’t healthy to dwell, but I don’t feel like you are dwelling. Your baby died. You get to be sad about that as much as you want to be/as much as you are.

    I hope you get your happy to this story. I hope for that for you all the time. I believe you will.

  2. I just wrote a similar post!!! I think it’s great that us BLM have blogs to share our worst moments. But I also think it is good to share the happy times too, because future BLM may stumble across our blogs…And I would hate for them to read my blog and think “Wow, my life is over, look at how depressed this lady is!” I remember in the early days seeing blogs where BLM wrote about normal stuff, like a trip to the grocery store, and feeling such relief in seeing that life does “go on”. The new normal. xo

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