Tears at Dr. K’s

Holy FUCK. Just getting into Dr. K’s office was an ordeal. I injured my knee Sunday in our co-ed soccer game, DH couldn’t find parking, so I limped my ass 3 damn blocks to College and University.

Emily warned me about all the pregnant women, and to be honest they did not bother me too much. Thanks for the heads up though!

Looking at all of these women though, makes me question how many of them have had their babies die. Are they part of my club? They ‘look’ relatively happy. Could this potentially be me in a few months? Glowing and laughing?

We finally got in to see Dr.K, and he began by taking my history. We got to Xavier’s birth and death, my non-symptom symptoms of pre-e, my weight and when we plan on ttc again.

We went over the placenta pathology. There was nothing remarkable. He looked at my IPS screening. All normal. He could determine NO reason why the placenta abrupted. He is a placenta goddamn expert, and has never seen a placenta abrupt like mine did, with no other underlying cause.

Then he thought, perhaps it’s because I snore. So I told him I don’t snore, I snored when I was pregnant and couldn’t sleep on my tummy. He was adamant though, that my sleep apnea during pregnancy was probably the reason for the abruption.

Here is where things really started to disintegrate. He stated…matter of factly…that to reduce my risk of another abruption, we should wait to try again until I have lost some weight to avoid pregnancy sleep apnea. SERIOUSLY? I began to cry. I wanted to scream at him to shut up. That DH had serious reservations and that him opening his YAP was not helping. I felt anxiety overwhelm me. He also asked me why I would want to try again if I already had 2 kids at home. Would I want to put my two boys through a pregnancy that most definitely would involve a hospital stay from 32 weeks and could I afford it? WTF???

I asked about numbers. Like if I don’t loose the weight, what’s the chance it happens again? There is a ten percent chance, and if I do loose the pounds, that percentage is cut in half to five. How do I feel about those numbers? I think they are bullshit. A stab in the damn dark by some one who has no clue why my baby died or why the placenta abrupted.

Everything in his research says it shouldn’t have happened. Same partner, two previous healthy pregnancies,no clotting disorder, healthy placenta and a healthy baby (besides the fact that he is dead).

My intake ended with me assuring him through tears that yes it would all be worth it, yes I could afford it (not that it’s any of his damn business) and no I didn’t want to wait.

He said no matter what we decided he would gladly take us on, and do everything they could as a team to help us take home a baby. He is THE placenta specialist, I would like to wring his neck, but he’s the best, and that’s the only reason I’ll continue on with him at this point.

I am mad, and frustrated and scared, and my loss of Xavier won’t allow me to even contemplate throwing in the towel. When will it go my way?

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3 thoughts on “Tears at Dr. K’s

  1. If only some of the best doctor’s weren’t assholes. lol

    I hate that it’s a stab in the dark as to what caused it.. I mean, lots of women have pregnancy snoring/apnea/etc., right? And they go on to have living babies.

    Lots of overweight women do too.

    Glad he agreed to take you on.

    BTW, in your email you asked about Clomid and luteal phase defects. I’ve read it can help correct this, but your OBGYN should be able to tell you for sure. šŸ™‚

  2. OK mamma… here goes.
    Did I ever tell you I worked in the medical field before I became a mom? I was in pharmaceuticals and we have several doctors in our family. Maybe it’s why I ‘get’ fertility as much as I do. LOL.
    1- There are plenty of doctors out there who are assholes and who say REALLY stupid things. My ‘shiny new RE’ is so named because I abruptly fired my first RE after he came down on me for getting ‘so incredibly upset’ about the miscarriage earlier this year. Then he said I needed to be grateful for my living kids because he sees so many women with no children. Needless to say we parted ways immediately. I’m not sure if he caught my mid finger salute to him as he left the ultrasound room.
    I now drive almost three ours to see my shiny new RE whom I trust, respect and who treats me like a grieving mother who just wants to get pregnant again. The moral? Stand up for yourself when doctors say stupid things. Don’t think that you cannot call them out for their insensitive remarks. Don’t be afraid to seek another opinion, and don’t sell yourself short. I know that you respect this Dr. for his expertise, and I would not tell you to switch. But I will tell you that you need to be very actively involved in your own care. When something doesn’t quite fit it’s probably your intuition telling you something. And your intuition is probably right.
    2- A family member put us in touch with a woman who is among the top placental pathology experts in the country. Her word is kind of like gospel in the field of placental path. Were it not for her looking over Cullen’s case (after we were told by THREE specialists that his death was a ‘fluke’ and not likely to recur) we would never have found out how incredibly wrong those doctors were. His death was caused by several underlying factors that combined to create the perfect storm.. and her examination of his placenta showed these issues clearly and without restraint.
    When I met with my shiny new RE he knew exactly who this pathologist was and was impressed that we had already had her review the case.
    If you have good insurance I would highly recommend you send the slides off to her. Getting multiple opinions for something this serious is not only recommended, it can be essential to the possibility of a healthy pregnancy in the future.
    Her name is Drucilla J. Roberts. Her info is here:
    http://www.massgeneral.org/pathology/doctors/doctor.aspx?ID=16792
    She is amazingly talented at what she does.

    Sending you light my friend….
    PS if you ever want to talk fertility meds I have used pretty much every one on the
    market… lol!

  3. Hey,

    I’m sorry your consult went so poorly. You seem to have left his office feeling the same way I sometimes did with Dr. S. Frusterated, scared and sad. I suppose I could see snoring and lack of oxygen as a possible contributer, but have you ever had a sleep study which measured how low your O2 sats go when you sleep? Because if you haven’t how does he know you’re not just a snorer who maintains your O2 sats? I suppose this test would have to be done during pregnancy too, to see if anything changes. Maybe you could ask about going for a sleep study. My brother in law had TERRIBLE sleep apnea and ended up with a home CPAP machine to wear at night. He’s much improved and is able to maintain his O2 sats at night, ensuring he gets a good, restful, sleep.

    I would give him credit though for warning you about a possible hospital stay in your next pregnancy. Having just finished an 18 day stint in the hospital you would be at from 32 weeks + (8 weeks!!!), I can assure you it’s no picnic. It’s financially very difficult (loss of wages, parking, meals for family members who visit, babysitters or day care for your older children if you need it). Because I chose a private room due to my condition we will be paying off both my my hospital stay and related expenses for awhile. It will be a challenge now that I’m on maternity leave. I know the ‘cost’ pales in comparison to having a living child…but I can tell you both Brian and I agreed that there would be no way we could imagine having to deal with another complicated pregnancy if we already had a living child. The financial stress alone would be a killer.

    I say take a few days, digest what Dr. K. said and then have a talk with DH. I hope you guys can come to an agreement which satisfies you both. Good luck. I’m rooting for you.

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