Not this time

I have tried so hard to set myself up for disappointment this month. I kept telling myself that it would be better timing if it didn’t happen this month, that it won’t happen right away. I don’t think I did a good enough job because at 9po (still lots of time for good news, but not holding my breath), I stood and looked at a stark white HPT and I wanted to cry. I was hoping for some sort of miracle conception even though it took us six cycles to conceive Xavier.

I don’t know if my poor little heart can take month after month of this.


TTC is harder with a dead son. It screws with your head and your heart.


5 thoughts on “Not this time

  1. Oh gosh girl.. I know I don’t have to tell you how this crap gets to me each month. It has been 9 months of TTC since Cullen died.. with one miscarriage in the middle. I am such a different person from the naive woman I once was. Sending love and hope for September….

  2. It is really hard. I wish there was a way to make it easier, but there just isn’t. There is still a chance for you this month and I’m keeping my fingers crossed. If it doesn’t happen, we’re here for you.

  3. it is so hard. I took it very hard last month, this month I am just not testing early at all. I hate seeing those BFN’s. Hugs, I truly hope you get your BFP really soon!

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