Confessional Friday

Well it’s Friday, so why not another confessional?

#1- It makes me angry if people in my life don’t ask me how I’m doing..and not in the generic sense…why don’t people ask me how I am doing in my grief journey? If I miss Xavier? Do I still cry?

#2 – If some one asked me how I was doing, without those specific questions I would probably just say “fine”. (Sadly)

#3 – After this weeks run of BFN’s, I really had to ask myself if I could handle them over an elongated length of time. I don’t know if I am strong enough. It’s hard to admit you are scared, it’s even harder to keep going.

#4 – I have more self doubt than I ever had in my entire life.

#5 – I know I’ll keep going, I don’t know how to quit.

#6 – I cried in the bathroom at the splash pad yesterday. I had M and 5 of his soccer friends. In walks a woman and her baby, bad went to worse as she began breast feeding…

Thanks for being my ears and shoulder to cry on. We are of to Wonderland today, and knowing I am not pregnant, I guess I can enjoy some of the rides…consolation? Not…

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One thought on “Confessional Friday

  1. It is frustrating that people don’t ask how you are really doing. I wish they would. I know how much it means.

    As for the BFNs, I know you are strong enough. You have been through so much, so incredibly much, and you are so strong. The BFNs are very hard. I feel very daunted by the fact that I have to embark on TTC again too and have my doubts sometimes as to whether or not I can put myself through that. But ultimately, it is better not to have regrets in 10 years and know that we at least tried.

    Breastfeeding women really bothered me. I figured out recently that it is because it is something that only I should be able to do with my babies. It hurts seeing babies in general, but seeing them be breastfed is the worst.

    Have fun at Wonderland. Just yesterday I said to Ted that we should go there because I can go on the rides (I assume, I’m technically pregnant, but it’s not like the babies would be harmed), but he said he doesn’t like it there. I thought it would be a good day out without many pregnant women around (of course, they seem to be everywhere anyway).

    xoxo

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