One Year Funk

Here I thought this funk I was in was all ttc woes…that was until my beloved asked me what did I want to do for Thanksgiving.

Xavier was born on Canadian Thanksgiving Sunday. This year it falls on the Monday. Then it dawned on me, a year. A whole year, and I have to recognize it. How the hell am I going to do that?

So the conversation began. “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

I don’t want to drive all around eating turkey with various different family members that’s for damn sure.

M has requested we still do a turkey, with cupcakes for Xavier’s birthday and also go to a mass and release some balloons wirh messages (smart kid).

D has no idea what he wants to do. He doesn’t want to go to the hospital as I suggested, he doesn’t think it would bring him any peace or comfort. He too is on the turkey train though…wtf is up with that? Making a turkey? Can I point out we missed all turkey dinners because of Xavier’s sudden arrival? If I ever see a turkey dinner again it’ll be too god damn soon.

I think I’d like to crawl into bed with two dozen cupcakes, cry my eyes out and dream of my handsome boy. With maybe a balloon release. The end. That’s not going to happen. To many people loved him too. I can’t be that selfish to deny our family and friends his remembrance day.

So what to do…what to do??

😦

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One thought on “One Year Funk

  1. The 1st birthday seems so far away and then suddenly it is here. And it is hard. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders after his birthday passed. I say if you want to lay in bed with cupcakes and cry, then do it. At least for some of the day. I made a box and donated it to the hospital where Jacob was born. We blew bubbles where his ashes are buried and you know what….the anticipation was far worse than the actual day. The actual day was hard, but I found the day before almost harder (being one year since we found out he was gone). I don’t know. I just know you will get through it. You can even decide the day off. Whatever you do, it will be perfect for you and for Xavier. I will be thinking of all of you that day.

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