Closer still

I am standing in line. I am following the crowd. My head is down though and I am staring at my shoes so I don’t really see anyone around me.

I feel a nudge from behind, but I don’t want to go forward. My feet feel stuck to the ground. The nudges turn into shoves and so I curse and yell “I am going as fast as I can you fucking bitch”. I still can’t look up.

Head down, I allow my feet to shuffle ever so slightly forward. I can’t allow my head to rise, because if I do, if my eyes see how close I am, my heart might falter, and the pain…oh the pain, like the first days when realization set in and he was cold in a room two floors down.

But I can sense it. My arms already know how close I am, they know EXACTLY how long they have been empty. Every moment is closer still…and I shuffle on.

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One thought on “Closer still

  1. So beautifully written. This brought back memories for me. I miss my angel baby too.

    I found you through Faces of Loss. I’m hosting a blogfest for mothers who have lost infants or children. I would love it if you could join us and share your story. Thanks for your time.
    -Elisa

    Here’s that link:
    http://ecwrites.blogspot.com/2011/09/only-50-more-days-until-golden-sky.html?showComment=1317367512296#c7067417673821287452

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