I am standing in line. I am following the crowd. My head is down though and I am staring at my shoes so I don’t really see anyone around me.
I feel a nudge from behind, but I don’t want to go forward. My feet feel stuck to the ground. The nudges turn into shoves and so I curse and yell “I am going as fast as I can you fucking bitch”. I still can’t look up.
Head down, I allow my feet to shuffle ever so slightly forward. I can’t allow my head to rise, because if I do, if my eyes see how close I am, my heart might falter, and the pain…oh the pain, like the first days when realization set in and he was cold in a room two floors down.
But I can sense it. My arms already know how close I am, they know EXACTLY how long they have been empty. Every moment is closer still…and I shuffle on.