Was I dreaming?

Was I dreaming when I was pregnant with Xavier? Did I imagine it all? Was it a happy fantasy?

Did I feel him kick? Did I rub his little knee from the outside? It all feels like a big dream.
A little like a lie I told myself.

There is a picture of me at 27 weeks pregnant on Facebook. A side profile in my bathroom mirror. He made my bump so damn cute. Is it strange that I envy myself?

I am 8dpo and having a really hard day. Stark white tests (yes I know its early), but…I don’t even know what the but is to that statement…meh…

I am giving in to apathy today.

COME THE FUCK ON UNIVERSE!! There…I am totally spent now.


One thought on “Was I dreaming?

  1. Sometimes I feel like I dreamed Jacob. I hate it that it’s hard to believe that I ever had a big belly, that the coats that fit me with lots of room to spare couldn’t even be done up once. And I hate that it gets harder and harder to remember the feeling as time goes one. Makes me feel like I am losing another part of him.

    It isn’t strange that you envy yourself. You’ve put into words what I’ve been feeling. I look at my pictures of when I was pregnant and I feel a mix of sadness and envy. I just didn’t quite know what it was until I read this post.

    Hoping, hoping hoping that you see 2 lines on the stick this month.

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