CD 20 8dpo

Hello Blog friends (and my sister),

I am still in the two week wait limbo. I am driving myself completely bonkers testing (thank you China for your dirt cheap Wondfo test strips otherwise I’d be broke), and so far nada…bfn…bfn…b effing f n.

So now I am waiting for my typical 9DPO spotting to begin or at the very latest, it will probably begin on Monday. I know it’s not over until the fat lady sings, but I am not feeling confident.

I want someone to tell me a lie. Tell me it will all be okay. Stroke my hair and rub my back and tell me like it’s a truth you have believed in all your life. I don’t have anyone who can say that to me. My beloved just can’t, and no one else would think to set up false hope in me like that, but right now, right this second…lie to me, smile and tell me I shouldn’t worry because it WILL BE OK.

My son died and I can’t change that. I survived pre-eclamsia and I survived his death. Barely. I am not sure I can survive infertility. I don’t know I have it me.

It’s a bad night tonight…so someone out there, please lie to me and just tell me I’m going to be OK.


3 thoughts on “CD 20 8dpo

  1. I can not lie to you. But I do hope everything will be “okay” and I do hope that in a couple more days you have something (someone) wonderful to celebrate.

    Side note: This has been a super long 8dpo, hasn’t it? Has felt like it to me, so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling.

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