I set myself up for bad news. I went over in my head how they might deliver mad news to patients.
I had a new nurse today. She cut to the chase. My beta rose to 613!!!
Holy shit…this is for real.
First Beta 13dpo Tuesday- 38.5
Second Beta 15dpo Thursday- 90
Third Beta 17dpo Saturday- 207
Fourth Beta 19dpo Monday- 613
First ultrasound is scheduled for next wednesday. I don’t like the idea of that. I’ll only be 6+0 and the likelihood of seeing the heartbeat is very low. Her first suggestion was to come in Monday. I asked if I could have my first ultrasound a little later on to avoid the stress of not seeing anything, so she suggests Wednesday. Really?? Anyways, I agreed and am now regretting it.
I just have to keep reminding myself whatever happens, happens. At this stage of the game, I can’t change the outcome.
I love this baby already. So please grow little bean…grow strong.
In other grief news…after I got off the phone with the nurse I had a complete meltdown. It was a mixture of happiness for this new baby, sadness for my sweet Xavier and a massive release of the stress I have been holding since the nurse called with my first beta results. I am currently an effing mess.
I am anticipating a back and forth roller coaster of emotion for the next 32 weeks or so. But, I’m not the first nor will I be the last to have a pregnancy after a loss…and I’m glad to have such a wonderful support system in place, both IRL and through this blog and all of your blogs.