Beta #4

I set myself up for bad news. I went over in my head how they might deliver mad news to patients.

I had a new nurse today. She cut to the chase. My beta rose to 613!!!

Holy shit…this is for real.

First Beta 13dpo Tuesday- 38.5
Second Beta 15dpo Thursday- 90
Third Beta 17dpo Saturday- 207
Fourth Beta 19dpo Monday- 613

First ultrasound is scheduled for next wednesday. I don’t like the idea of that. I’ll only be 6+0 and the likelihood of seeing the heartbeat is very low. Her first suggestion was to come in Monday. I asked if I could have my first ultrasound a little later on to avoid the stress of not seeing anything, so she suggests Wednesday. Really?? Anyways, I agreed and am now regretting it.

I just have to keep reminding myself whatever happens, happens. At this stage of the game, I can’t change the outcome.

I love this baby already. So please grow little bean…grow strong.

In other grief news…after I got off the phone with the nurse I had a complete meltdown. It was a mixture of happiness for this new baby, sadness for my sweet Xavier and a massive release of the stress I have been holding since the nurse called with my first beta results. I am currently an effing mess.

I am anticipating a back and forth roller coaster of emotion for the next 32 weeks or so. But, I’m not the first nor will I be the last to have a pregnancy after a loss…and I’m glad to have such a wonderful support system in place, both IRL and through this blog and all of your blogs.

xoxoxoxo

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6 thoughts on “Beta #4

  1. Yay! I’m so glad that the level is so high! Such good news! I am also scared of ultrasounds before 7 weeks, because of my history. I had one at 6 weeks, which did turn out to be a blighted ovum, but when they couldn’t see anything, there was a week of living in limbo hell which I never want to do again. Now I don’t get them until 7 weeks. However, lots of people get them at 6 weeks and see a baby. If you have a tilted uterus (I do), there is a higher chance of not seeing anything when everything could be fine.

  2. I’ve had ultrasounds in the 6th week and saw a heartbeat with both Aidan and Kaia…but I’ve heard other stories of people who haven’t and sometimes things were fine and other times they weren’t. The 6th week seems to be no man’s land when it comes to ultrasounds, so I would agree on the later date choice that way you can be more certain. Your beta’s look good though, so I hope you’re rewarded with a nice strong flickering heartbeat!

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