Well here I am…20 weeks and 6 days. I am still in awe that I get to be pregnant. That I get to try again, that I get a second chance at a somewhat happy ending. How did I get so lucky? Who decided I would get to be blessed…the flip side to all of this is of course the curse that put me on the path to our new blessing, to our daughter (sounds weird still, so used to the word son rolling off my tongue, never daughter…)
He is still such a part of my everyday, and is thought of so very often. The road to where I am now can never be forgotten, and sometimes I feel bad for feeling grateful for the gift of HER because the reality is, he died so she could live. For whatever reason, fate, destiny or divine will…he couldn’t stay here with us and on the one hand I wish I could change that, on the other I know for certain that we would have stopped at Xavier, there wouldn’t have been any others and yet I am so happy that she is going to be a part of our family (PLEASE let her come home to us).
I’d like to share HER name with all of you, as I am tired of referring to her as “her” and “she”. My DH is so picky and hates EVERY name presented to him, so when I suggested this name, and he didn’t even blink an eye but said YES, I knew we had a winner:
We have always given our kids first names we liked and middle names that were family tributes. Maria is my middle name, my cousin and very best friend, it is my dad’s sister who passed away when she was seven (and why I was given that middle name), and my father, born after his sister had passed was named after her in the male form of Mario, Xavier’s middle name is Mario and so you can see how it all has circled back to this wee lady.
Scarlett is just beautiful and classic…she will forever be unique and mysterious. As a child I bet she will hold the nick name of Scarly and I guess I’m OK with that as long as no one calls her Scar or Lettie. I personally have already begun calling her Miss O’hara, and unless I want others to pick up on that, I should probably stop.
I digress, I got left in the ultrasound room by myself today to walk around and touch my toes to try and get her out of the ball she was in so the tech could get some profile shots. While I was there I started taking some pictures of the screen (totally against the RULES…but I am a rebel of sorts lol) :
Do you see what I see???? WHY is she measuring almost 9 days behind on the head circumference measurement? It is very concerning…but more on that in a little bit. I then took a picture of my sweet little girls profile (and in the process got suckered into buying yet ANOTHER $5 ultrasound picture)
ADORABLE!!! BEAUTIFUL!! WONDERFUL!!!
I was then asked to go to the waiting room and “wait” for my report to take right into my appointment with Dr. K. I went and met with the nurse in between and dipped a urine stick (negative), had my blood pressure checked (122/60 – I am a BP rock star!) and weigh in (gained 3 kilos in 4 weeks boooooo, not a weight rock star)
Then I got the report, and I ran to the bathroom so I could take pictures of all the data and google the shit out of it!
First concerning issue:
The leading placental edge is at, but not covering the internal cervical os. The fellow I saw today said there was every chance that it would move up and that the best news is that it is posterior. OK, this is a good new/bad news situation, but really??? As a high risk patient already did I need possible placenta previa??
Here is the other shots I took:
Back to the baby’s measurements, the femur length is measuring 22w0d. That is 8 days ahead. So measuring behind on the head, but measuring ahead on the femur?? WTF?? All of this to say the mean age (average) is 21.1
All of these numbers have me spinning. But once again I am putting my trust in a doctor telling me that it is fine and that everything is normal…I find it hard to just sit back and accept that…
In other news, both my nurse and the fellow have instructed me to begin natural induction methods as of 37 weeks. Nipple stimulation, sperm to ripen the cervix and some acupressure. We are all hoping that we can get this baby out before the scheduled c-section, but either way, by hook or by crook Scarlett is coming by September 12, 2012.
Her movements have become more pronounced this week and today while waiting at Dr. K’s, I felt her kick my hand on the outside! I thought it might freak out all the preggo ladies around me if I started crying, so I swallowed it all back, but believe me…WOW! What a feeling.
My next appointment is June 12, which is four weeks away. On the one hand it feels great that everything is “normal” and they aren’t interested in seeing me for so long, on the other hand four weeks seems really far away to see Scarlett again.
I am feeling good, I am worried about the amount of time I will potentially spend on the side of a soccer field this summer. My feet are already starting to swell and I just hope that anything I did with Xavier that could have made a difference isn’t repeated this time.
I am currently waiting to hear back from the sleep study people at Mount Sinai. I need to make sure I cover all my bases. So if that includes a CPAP machine for the rest of this pregnancy even though the thought of it makes me feel panicky as I am claustrophobic, I don’t want to have to regret any of my decisions (again).
With that…a new bump picture. Also, sorry for all the phone pictures. Blackberry cameras blow, but I am lazy, so I can’t be bothered to get out the real camera lol.
Take care friends.