First I wanted to address the “Courtney” blog. WHY?? Because I was devastated. My sister was here when I clicked through from Kristin’s blog (link now removed). I CRIED! My sister admonished me for reading blogs at all. I prayed for this little baby, for this family, for a husband who would only feel guilt for the rest of his life. I had a panic attack when my beloved took M to soccer practice IN THE CAR. I am not going to comment on the actual lies and story she put up because only a sick twisted person could make up having TWO dead babies. I bring this up because my reaction to the “story” had me in a tizzy, and as I blog about how I feel…I thought it best to pour it out here. I will continue to read blogs, regardless if how my family feels it is not good for my head and my heart.
I am glad that the two children were made up and that they don’t actually exist. I am however still furious that someone took such fragile feelings of loss and grief and used them against me.
On to week 26.
I am feeling pretty good! I am starting to get some lower back pain and MASSIVE between the shoulder blades pain. The back pain is a normal pregnancy pain for me and I was expecting it. I bought a belly band almost immediately after I got pregnant and I think it’s time to start wearing it. Scarlett isn’t a big fan of it though…she squirms and kicks where the band sits. It gives me a giggle.
The MASSIVE between the shoulder blade pain is from sleeping on one side all night and NOT moving. I am not even rolling onto my back which is what happened with Xavier and why they suspect snoring was also a cause of the abruption. Also, I wanted to ask what you all think of the fact that I don’t pee in the middle of the night. I remember with Xavier by now I was up twice a night to pee. This time nothing…weird yes?
The heat has me staying in air conditioning whenever I can. D won’t let me come to soccer practices because of the heat, which is disappointing because I love watching the boys practice as much as I love watching them play. Even in the a/c, my feet are swollen, but my BP is staying low and more importantly my diastolic pressure is staying low (between 59 & 74), which means my placenta is doing A-OK!
I continue to have panic attacks in the mornings because she doesn’t wake up and move around until 9:00am. I am up by 7:30am so it’s sometimes an hour and a half of pure torture and mind fuckery. This morning included…I poked and prodded today because i was totally freaking out and nothing…I went to McDonalds for breakfast with M, had a coffee and a muffin (mmm…cranberry orange) and voila…she got the wiggles. She is so NOT a morning person (kinda like her mama).
Also, my little big man M turned 10 on Friday. TEN!!! My god…so I leave you with my weekly bump and with my pictures of M through the years.
And for mister M-
This morning I looked into my rear view mirror and saw him dancing in his seat…it filled me with such joy…true heart filling, catch your breath joy…