Some things on my mind

First I wanted to address the “Courtney” blog. WHY?? Because I was devastated. My sister was here when I clicked through from Kristin’s blog (link now removed). I CRIED! My sister admonished me for reading blogs at all. I prayed for this little baby, for this family, for a husband who would only feel guilt for the rest of his life. I had a panic attack when my beloved took M to soccer practice IN THE CAR. I am not going to comment on the actual lies and story she put up because only a sick twisted person could make up having TWO dead babies. I bring this up because my reaction to the “story” had me in a tizzy, and as I  blog about how I feel…I thought it best to pour it out here. I will continue to read blogs, regardless if how my family feels it is not good for my head and my heart.

I am glad that the two children were made up and that they don’t actually exist. I am however still furious that someone took such fragile feelings of loss and grief and used them against me.

********************

On to week 26.

I am feeling pretty good! I am starting to get some lower back pain and MASSIVE between  the shoulder blades pain. The back pain is a normal pregnancy pain for me and I was expecting it. I bought a belly band almost immediately after I got pregnant and I think it’s time to start wearing it. Scarlett isn’t a big fan of it though…she squirms and kicks where the band sits. It gives me a giggle.

The MASSIVE between the shoulder blade pain is from sleeping on one side all night and NOT moving. I am not even rolling onto my back which is what happened with Xavier and why they suspect snoring was also a cause of the abruption. Also, I wanted to ask what you all think of the fact that I don’t pee in the middle of the night. I remember with Xavier by now I was up twice a night to pee. This time nothing…weird yes?

The heat has me staying in air conditioning whenever I can. D won’t let me come to soccer practices because of the heat, which is disappointing because I love watching the boys practice as much as I love watching them play.  Even in the a/c, my feet are swollen, but my BP is staying low and more importantly my diastolic pressure is staying low (between 59 & 74), which means my placenta is doing A-OK!

I continue to have panic attacks in the mornings because she doesn’t wake up and move around until 9:00am. I am up by 7:30am so it’s sometimes an hour and a half of pure torture and mind fuckery. This morning included…I poked and prodded today because i was totally freaking out and nothing…I went to McDonalds for breakfast with M, had a coffee and a muffin (mmm…cranberry orange) and voila…she got the wiggles. She is so NOT a morning person (kinda like her mama).

Also, my little big man M turned 10 on Friday. TEN!!! My god…so I leave you with my weekly bump and with my pictures of M through the years.

26w0d

And for mister M-

This morning I looked into my rear view mirror and saw him dancing in his seat…it filled me with such joy…true heart filling, catch your breath joy…

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8 thoughts on “Some things on my mind

  1. How kind of you to share such sweet words with me on my blog! Thank you, thank you! In light of the horror of the Courtney blog, it is NICE to know humanity can be and does still retain goodness and people who truly just wish for the best for the others.

    I don’t know about others, but I have never really gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom—well, with Matthew or Luke. I was just too lazy, back hurt too much, etc. I did this last time with Trey (which is weird, right? Not the two full-term babies, but the sweet little twelve weeker) but I think as I get older and have had two full-term pregnancies, my bladder says, “UM…HELLO!!! GET UP!!!”

    Happy birthday to your little guy! Ten. Crazy how fast it goes, huh? I love that catch-your-breath joy and am so grateful for it!
    xoxo

  2. I wouldn’t worry about the peeing in the night thing- I very rarely had to get up to pee. 🙂

    I hate Courtney. I cried and worried for them, too. I just struggle to believe someone would WANT this life (especially for the attention), you know? 😦

    Seriously.

    26 weeks is awesome! YAY!!! 🙂

  3. Ugh the pregnancy panic attacks are so rough, I sympathize. Pregnancy after loss was the hardest thing I have ever gone through emotionally so I totally get it. 😦 I don’t really remember waking in the middle of the night to pee consistently just that it more or less depended where baby is sitting i.e. does she have an elbow in your bladder or not? I always found that guzzling really cold OJ or milk and then laying on my left side would get my babies active so I could do kick counts–hope that helps. Sending prayers of strength to you for the remainder of your pregnancy and wishes for a happy, healthy delivery.

  4. #1 Yay for 26 weeks!

    #2 I’ve never heard of her blog but I went to the blog that “outs” the hoaxers and read everything. All of the hoaxes and What. The. Fuck? The worst part about it is the lingering suspicion of baby loss blogs (none that I regularly follow). I implicitly trust this community of women and its upsetting that someone would lie about something so painful.

  5. Good going on 26 weeks! Keep it up!
    Maybe not having to pee at night is a sign you need to drink more? I mean, just in case you WANT to get up at night and pee… 😉 That being said, I get up to pee almost every night even when I’m NOT pregnant, so I’m no help there.

  6. Yay for 26 weeks!! 🙂

    And, wow! I guess I’ve been a little too preoccupied lately because I didn’t know any of this! How can anyone even think to do such things? Grrrrr!

  7. Wow, that is sick, I just can’t understand how anyone would want to create a life like that. I keep telling myself that she must have a mental illness but it makes me so angry.

    Anyway, 26 weeks is a fantastic milestone! I can’t believe how far along you are!

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