32w 5d-day three in hospital

It’s almost 8am here. I am having difficulty reconciling the fact that I will eventually get to leave this hospital with an alive baby. Last time I walked out of a hospital it was with a memory box, a bag of medication and a broken soul.

I can’t do that again…it would break me more than I could possibly write in words. I am hopefully leaving this place today and not come back for 5 weeks when it is Scarlet’s birthday. I feel shattered today.  I feel apprehensive. I was warned the steroid shots would really make her quiet, and so they  have and so I have been in a bit of a downward spiral this morning because of this. For me lack of movement mean equals a dead baby and so these last twelve hours have been very hard for me. I’ve had a terrible morning so far, as I usually wake up to a barrage of kicks and this morning my belly lay quiet and non-responsive. I am not a big fan of the ward I am in and I want whats best for my baby, and I just don’t feel I am getting that here.

I wish I had packed my doppler. I don’t like to rely on having to wait for a nurse to tell me I can hear her heartbeat. In L&D I was always on a monitor, and as uncomfortable as that was I loved the reassurance of hearing her little heart beat. It was tangible evidence she was alive and well.

I don’t necessarily want to go home…I just want off this ward. 7 South sucks…

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2 thoughts on “32w 5d-day three in hospital

  1. It certainly does. I found 7 South did VERY little to make me feel more confident or comfortable. I did pack my doppler and I listened myself a few times, just to make sure. The nurses were generally nice, but they only came by when it was ‘check on the baby time’ and generally I was lonely and sad being hospitalized (big reason I came to live with my parents at 23 weeks with Kaia when the hospital wouldn’t have done anything anyways). Have they said when you can come home yet? Hoping you get to make a break for it soon. Also are you on bed rest? Do they want you to take it easy for the rest of the pregnancy?

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