Well, I have some time this morning as I was dropped off quite early at the hospital and my darling daughter is currently zonked out, so I thought I might start her birth story.
As I posted here, over the first weekend in August I went into preterm labour, spent 3 days in the hospital and was released August 6. I had two boring days at home. On the Wednesday I decided the floors needed to be cleaned, and with no restrictions from my releasing OB at Mount Sinai I cleaned like a whirling dirvish that morning. Thinking about it now, I am pretty sure I was nesting.
When I woke up Thursday morning my husband was still at home. He had slept in which was definitely unusual for him. I went pee (SHOCKER) and when I wiped there was some blood on the toilet paper. It was slightly concerning so I showed D and told him I needed to call Mt. Sinai. I went down stairs to the couch, grabbed my lap top and googled their labour and delivery triage number. When I called, I spoke to the nurse and she asked me to come in. I hung up and told my husband the unpleasant news, that we’d have to go back to the hospital because of the spotting. I stood up to go get dressed when I felt a GUSH and warm wet running down my legs, only when I looked down, it wasn’t amniotic fluid, it was blood.
You can’t imagine my terror, every fear, every disgusting thought I’d had since I got pregnant was coming true. I screamed for D. I screamed for the boys to get up. D called Mt. Sinai back and told them what was happening, they said don’t bother coming to them…get to the closest hospital, which is Trillium (where Xavier was supposed to be born, but wasn’t because of the emergency situation he presented).
More and more blood was gushing…for sure she was dead, for sure she was dying. I called for my doppler. Before I left the house I needed to know. For sure. My eldest son ran back up stairs to get it and when I placed it on my stomach, there she was wooshing away. (As it turns out, it was the placenta…but at the time, it was enough to get me focused on and get moving).
En route to the hospital, D had the foresight to call Trillium’s L&D, to let them know we were coming. The entire way there I was contracting and gushing. I couldn’t look D in the eye. I promised him this pregnancy would end in a living baby, and here we were speeding to the hospital, with what seemed to be, yet another dead child. D got us there better than what an ambulance could have done. It was 8:00 am on a beautiful Thursday morning, and I thought for sure our lives would be left shattered again, this time though…could we sustain it?
We arrived in the emergency loop of the hospital, D left the kids in the car and took me up to 3D. I was taken to a triage room immediately and assessed. One nurse was asking me questions about my health and pregnancy and another had the fetal monitor and was about to put it on my belly. She too got the wooshing sound, only she said “darn” when she heard it. I asked her that’s not the heart beat? “No” she said. I began to panic even more. I looked up at her and I yelled, “you HAVE to find the heart beat, please, please find it”. Terror and anguish all at once, and with my husband on my left, I still couldn’t look at him. After what felt like a very long time, but in reality was close to a minute, she found Scarlet’s heart beat, then turned the volume down. I panicked and asked her to turn it back up.
An OB came into my room and told me that if the bleeding didn’t stop, we’d have to have a c-section today. I told him to take her out, that I was contracting and with every contraction there was more and more blood. I don’t think it was long after that, that it was agreed that she was coming out today…now. I was wheeled out of that room and down to the OR. I had my spinal done shortly after that and then we waited. And waited, and then waited a bit more. The nurses were chatting away like there was nothing scary going on. Finally the OB’s came in and the next thing I know my husband is at my head. I began sobbing when I saw him, I said I was sorry and that I think she was still alive, and asked if he could hear her heart beat on the monitor?
The surgery began, and it was nothing like Xavier’s. I was actually frozen and could barely feel anything. What felt like eternity went by, I kept trying to hear a gurgle or a scream indicating she was born. I heard something and then the doctor said congratulations, it’s a girl as he held he over the screen so we could see her. She cried, I cried, D cried and then the NICU nurses took her from there.
Scarlet Maria was born at 10:03am Thursday August 9, 2012. She was 5lbs 4oz, 17 1/2 inches long and 7 weeks premature.
She too had a true know in her cord and once again my placenta had abrupted. While it was only twenty percent this time rather than the eighty percent that led to Xavier’s death.
She is here. Alive and unaffected by her prematurity and the abruption. I am thankful as I sit here in the hospital, day after day. She is here and she is alive and soon….she will come home to live with us. We are truly blessed.