Life these days

Wow, I totally miss blogging. I miss the outpouring of words and the relief that it brings. I wish I didn’t feel that this space has become so exclusive to my grief and sadness, but alas it is. I can’t bring myself to write about all the happy things that keep me smiling these because for some reason I have compartmentalized this as just for him and my sadness.

I documented my pregnancy because I was terrified if I didn’t, and she died, I would have nothing to remember her by. I think I am accomplishing the same thing now except in a different way, I use Insta.gram. It makes sense that I have labeled this place for Xavier and all the sadness his life and death created. 

Quick update on M- he began counselling sessions this week and we are hoping for the best as we navigate childrens mental health. I wish so much that I could just kiss this boo boo for him.

After the intake session in March, I could see an immediate change though. He was less sad and dwelled less on Xavier than I have ever seen him. I don’t wish to remove his brother from his thoughts, that would be silly, what we are hoping to accomplish is he learns coping skills to deal with his thoughts of Xavier and how he misses him.

Update on S- All is well. She is thriving and crawling and making teeth like its nobody’s business. I am still actively breastfeeding and she is on solids. I wish she would stop growing so quickly, she is for sure my last baby and I’d like to just push the pause button and make this time with her last a bit longer.

Take care friends, to those I am in contact with out side of blog land…I’ll totally see you around, to any one still reading this, I think this will become his space, and so I won’t be posting much here any more, just his memorials and remembrances.

xoxo